My Miserable Mother
It's said that those who face hardships during some time of their life, will be rewarded by pleasant experiences later. This is not true. My mother had suffered a lot but her life is only going from bad to worse. She often wonders; 'What bad things did I do to get this miserable life in return?'
She got married to my father who was twenty-two years older than her. She hated him and she still does even after his death. There were always problems and clashes between them. Their conflict ranged from him refusing to do the father's duties and pay for our expenses to her refusing to sleep with him which was against our religion and tradition. Yes, in our culture, a woman should obey her husband and have sexual relationships with him whenever he wants even if he treats her badly and beats her.
Nowadays, she is more obsessed with money and believes that it's being taken behind her back. As my sister is getting married by the end of June, she is busy buying objects for her future apartment. So she is a perfect suspect for Mum. Every now and then, they have a big clash over the 'missing' money. A few days earlier, Mum accused my brother of taking her wallet. She said she saw him taking it. Later, she found it in her wardrobe but she still holds to this misbelief. My brother has stopped talking to her since then. My mother always acted as a strong independent woman but now she has turned into a pathetic woman. Seeing her like this makes me want to cry.
I don't know what's going wrong with her, or to be specific, with her mind. Has she got a psychosis or kind of dementia which I know are incurable? I suggested to her before to go check out with a psychiatrist. She replied; "I'm not crazy. It's you who must go to one as you've been weird all your life." "Yes, I feel I need to go to one. It's like when you have hypertension or diabetes, you should go check it with a doctor", I replied. "You want to make me mentally-ill forcefully! To take control of me and my money! In your dreams."
The past still haunts her and she has got caged there. This is maybe one cause of her mental condition that she ruminates on mistakes that can't be fixed. Sometimes I feel she considers us a mistake she regrets when she says 'If I hadn't married your fu**ing father, I wouldn't have had you.'
At the same time, I feel sorrowful for her and for myself. It will be my direct responsibility to take care of her. I'm not sure if I will be able to do it since I always wanted to escape from her. As long as I'm away from her, our relationship gets better. As well as that, I'm scared of becoming like her when I get older. I don't want to bury myself in the past with her. Maybe this is why I want to leave her as she somehow keeps reminding me of the unhappy past we have had. Is my destiny going to be with the person I always desired to run away from!
She got married to my father who was twenty-two years older than her. She hated him and she still does even after his death. There were always problems and clashes between them. Their conflict ranged from him refusing to do the father's duties and pay for our expenses to her refusing to sleep with him which was against our religion and tradition. Yes, in our culture, a woman should obey her husband and have sexual relationships with him whenever he wants even if he treats her badly and beats her.
Mum worked as a teacher but most salaries in Egypt are poor so she had to borrow money from her friends to be able to provide our necessities. She also used to buy goods on account and to make our school uniforms with a sewing machine at home.
After many years, she managed to return the borrowed money but recently started with another problem. She gets obsessed with her money and belongings. She is afraid of reliving the same tragic story she had before and that she will lack money one day.
The tragic story started a few years ago when she was hiding her keys, ID and money in odd places like inside the washing machine, under the bed, in a can in the cupboard, then she would forget the place. She used to accuse me of taking them. My siblings took her side as I'm the one who goes against her all the way.
After many years, she managed to return the borrowed money but recently started with another problem. She gets obsessed with her money and belongings. She is afraid of reliving the same tragic story she had before and that she will lack money one day.
The tragic story started a few years ago when she was hiding her keys, ID and money in odd places like inside the washing machine, under the bed, in a can in the cupboard, then she would forget the place. She used to accuse me of taking them. My siblings took her side as I'm the one who goes against her all the way.
Nowadays, she is more obsessed with money and believes that it's being taken behind her back. As my sister is getting married by the end of June, she is busy buying objects for her future apartment. So she is a perfect suspect for Mum. Every now and then, they have a big clash over the 'missing' money. A few days earlier, Mum accused my brother of taking her wallet. She said she saw him taking it. Later, she found it in her wardrobe but she still holds to this misbelief. My brother has stopped talking to her since then. My mother always acted as a strong independent woman but now she has turned into a pathetic woman. Seeing her like this makes me want to cry.
I don't know what's going wrong with her, or to be specific, with her mind. Has she got a psychosis or kind of dementia which I know are incurable? I suggested to her before to go check out with a psychiatrist. She replied; "I'm not crazy. It's you who must go to one as you've been weird all your life." "Yes, I feel I need to go to one. It's like when you have hypertension or diabetes, you should go check it with a doctor", I replied. "You want to make me mentally-ill forcefully! To take control of me and my money! In your dreams."
The past still haunts her and she has got caged there. This is maybe one cause of her mental condition that she ruminates on mistakes that can't be fixed. Sometimes I feel she considers us a mistake she regrets when she says 'If I hadn't married your fu**ing father, I wouldn't have had you.'
At the same time, I feel sorrowful for her and for myself. It will be my direct responsibility to take care of her. I'm not sure if I will be able to do it since I always wanted to escape from her. As long as I'm away from her, our relationship gets better. As well as that, I'm scared of becoming like her when I get older. I don't want to bury myself in the past with her. Maybe this is why I want to leave her as she somehow keeps reminding me of the unhappy past we have had. Is my destiny going to be with the person I always desired to run away from!
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