A Letter To My Ex

Dear X,


I owe you a thank you because you did me a favor breaking up with me. If you hadn't, I wouldn’t have learned all that I have learned about myself and my hearing loss. Now, I am confident about how to work on my next intimate relationship.

In our relationship, I confess that I made mistakes. This was my first romantic relationship and I was learning from scratch. I learned the lesson the hard way but next time, I will watch out for these mistakes I made with you. As well as that, I will be careful picking my partner wisely. There are true men out there. Definitely, I’m not planning to have six relationships, oops seven, and fail to make any of them work out. No, I’m working on my communication and I will do my utmost to build a healthy relationship.

First of all, I hadn't educated myself on hearing loss, simply because I didn’t know I needed to. I didn’t know that I have to educate people around me as well on how they can communicate the best with me. Getting my attention before talking, letting me see their mouth, avoiding talking in noisy crowded places etc are necessary steps to help me hear a little bit better. Now, I know that and I’m learning a great deal. Also, I know that I need supportive personal relationships with people who are willing to understand me and make accommodations for my hearing loss.

Secondly, I wasn’t able to open up and speak my mind out loud. This was something I already mentioned when we made that to-do list which we didn’t achieve anything from, by the way. Before my travel to Sri Lanka, a lot had happened in my life which broke me down. My mother’s dementia, my sister’s detention just one day before my flight, the uncertainty of my job there (which I was totally right about because I found out that the restaurant's owner where I worked wasn’t honest with me). Unsurprisingly, you had an idea about all these experiences but you still couldn’t understand why I looked sad.

I needed time, understanding and connection which you couldn’t provide. Being empathetic is a skill, not all people have it. Maybe you tried to show it but definitely, you failed. That night, when I talked about my mother and I was struggling to hold my tears, you didn’t show any emotion or reaction. You couldn’t connect.

What was done over years, cannot be undone in one day, or even a week. This is very true in many ways. To learn to speak up and to get over the difficulties, I needed time and support. You can’t expect people to change instantly. I’m not a robot who would change at the press of a button.

I believe you haven't become a good kitesurfer in a week. Actually, to be a certified kitesurfer, you had to take many steps; a course in El Gouna, an internship in the Northern Sea, then Montenegro. It took you quite a long time to achieve your goal. Our relationship, however, wasn’t a goal for you so you took the easy way out. Instead of dealing with the uncomfortableness of our problems and trying to help each other feel better (hear better in my case), you were quick to part ways.

To be continued...