How Evil God Is!
This is a very simple, humble translation of this Arabic article
“I didn’t choose anything in my life. I was forced into everything that happened to me.”This was how Marwa described being brought up in a religiously extremist family.
Marwa who works as a Quran teacher has had to wear a hijab since she was six after a clash between her mother and her uncle. She hasn’t forgotten how he got mad at her when he saw her playing with her male cousin.
After this incident, her mother forced the hijab on her and disallowed her from playing with any male children. She hadn't even turned seven at that time! Her mother repeatedly told her; “God will get upset with us because you’re not covering your hair. God ordered us to wear hijab and we have to obey him”.
At seven years old, I wasn’t aware of any of that. I remember once I got back from school crying because the hijab made my hair wet while playing. My teacher told me to take it off as I was still a kid. I cried a lot complaining that I didn’t want it. My mother aggressively slapped me saying; “Do you want us to end up in hell because of you!?”. She accompanied me to school the following day, had a row with the teacher and warned her not to talk about the hijab with me ever again.
Marwa recalls another incident when her father went crazy, seeing her watching a movie on the TV. He broke the TV, beat her, and cut her hair. He beat her mother as well because she hadn't prevented her daughter from watching. Her father used to throw cold water on her to wake her up for Fajr prayer.
This wasn’t the whole story. At the age of 12, Marwa had her first period. Instead of advising her about this new experience, her mother went to buy her a niqab. She told her, “You’re not young anymore. You have to watch out for your actions.”
“Every time I saw my friends’ families, I felt sorry towards myself. I asked God why is life like that! Which god would get infuriated seeing me playing with a kid? Which god would punish a kid for not wearing a hijab or for not praying?”
However, Mawa is convinced that God loves her, not what her father tried to make her believe.
During her college days, she thought she would have a breath of fresh air. But her father sent someone to watch over her. He took a photo of her talking with one of her male colleagues and sent it to her father and her uncle who beat her severely.
“I haven’t allowed you to go to college to bring us shame”, her father said. He later forced her to marry a strict man.
“He knew well that forcing me into marriage is religiously illegal but he did it anyway”. She moved from her father’s control into her husband’s who she didn’t see until the wedding day.
Her husband obliged her to work as a Quran teacher for the small girls of their village, as well as a servant for his parents. He allowed her neither to contact her friends nor her family.
Nihal’s story, Nihal is a pseudonym, isn’t much different from that of Marwa. she was forced to wear the hijab since she was five and she wasn't allowed to talk to any male. However, her inner struggle was bigger, she spent 15 years looking for a god. Because of her parents’ extremism, she lost her faith in God and religion.
“My father prohibited me from reading feminist books, he burnt them and forced me to read the Islamic books, these which glorify the Salafist ideals, the Ottoman empire, and these which talk about the status of women in Islam. I don’t know what status they talk about while my father considers the woman a subordinate. Islam according to what I read considers me a being, not a human being who should be beaten. We, women, were made similar to the devil, the donkey and the black dog.”.
Nihal kept looking for a god for many months. She read about different religions and listened to many clerics until, coincidentally, she heard a Christian hymn. “I found my soul as soon as I heard it”, she said. Later, she started to delve into Christianity.
Nowadays, Nihal lives a double life. In front of her family, she is a model of a strict woman wearing a niqab and loose clothes while on her own, she prays to Christ and reads about Christianity.
“My father had the primary role in leading me to this stage. He made me feel that god hates me, not only as a human but as a woman. He depends on intimidating and terrorizing me. “Pray to avoid being tortured in your tomb after death. Fast not to get burnt in hell. Wear a hijab so God doesn’t hate you.” Every religious practice was built on fear of God, not spiritual contact with him.
As soon as Karima, another victim, became an adult, she was married to an elderly man of the same age as her father. She was his fourth wife. Her extremist family didn’t care about his advanced age or polygamy. As long as he followed his religion to the core, this was totally fine.
“I was 12 when my father married me to a sheikh with a white beard, wearing short clothes in the Islamic way. He took me to live with his three wives. Their ages ranged between the 30s and 40s. They had daughters the same age as me. The wedding day was the toughest experience. He broke my virginity with his finger and then he planted his penis inside my small vagina. He didn’t care about my age, all he wanted was to fulfill his sexual desires according to his religion”.
Despite having two children, Karima is still a minor. She doesn’t only look after her own kids but because she’s the youngest member in her husband’s family, she serves everyone in the house. If she refused to do it, a beating would be her punishment. Her husband justifies it saying that he follows the verse, “strike them”. When she goes to complain to her family, they tell her off saying that he practices Islam. “I don’t know where I can seek help, those around me have already abandoned me”.
While Nihal secretly keeps reading feminist books, Karima can’t run away leaving her children behind. She always asks, “Why does God allow all this evil?”.
Marwa who works as a Quran teacher has had to wear a hijab since she was six after a clash between her mother and her uncle. She hasn’t forgotten how he got mad at her when he saw her playing with her male cousin.
After this incident, her mother forced the hijab on her and disallowed her from playing with any male children. She hadn't even turned seven at that time! Her mother repeatedly told her; “God will get upset with us because you’re not covering your hair. God ordered us to wear hijab and we have to obey him”.
At seven years old, I wasn’t aware of any of that. I remember once I got back from school crying because the hijab made my hair wet while playing. My teacher told me to take it off as I was still a kid. I cried a lot complaining that I didn’t want it. My mother aggressively slapped me saying; “Do you want us to end up in hell because of you!?”. She accompanied me to school the following day, had a row with the teacher and warned her not to talk about the hijab with me ever again.
Marwa recalls another incident when her father went crazy, seeing her watching a movie on the TV. He broke the TV, beat her, and cut her hair. He beat her mother as well because she hadn't prevented her daughter from watching. Her father used to throw cold water on her to wake her up for Fajr prayer.
This wasn’t the whole story. At the age of 12, Marwa had her first period. Instead of advising her about this new experience, her mother went to buy her a niqab. She told her, “You’re not young anymore. You have to watch out for your actions.”
“Every time I saw my friends’ families, I felt sorry towards myself. I asked God why is life like that! Which god would get infuriated seeing me playing with a kid? Which god would punish a kid for not wearing a hijab or for not praying?”
However, Mawa is convinced that God loves her, not what her father tried to make her believe.
During her college days, she thought she would have a breath of fresh air. But her father sent someone to watch over her. He took a photo of her talking with one of her male colleagues and sent it to her father and her uncle who beat her severely.
“I haven’t allowed you to go to college to bring us shame”, her father said. He later forced her to marry a strict man.
“He knew well that forcing me into marriage is religiously illegal but he did it anyway”. She moved from her father’s control into her husband’s who she didn’t see until the wedding day.
Her husband obliged her to work as a Quran teacher for the small girls of their village, as well as a servant for his parents. He allowed her neither to contact her friends nor her family.
Nihal’s story, Nihal is a pseudonym, isn’t much different from that of Marwa. she was forced to wear the hijab since she was five and she wasn't allowed to talk to any male. However, her inner struggle was bigger, she spent 15 years looking for a god. Because of her parents’ extremism, she lost her faith in God and religion.
“My father prohibited me from reading feminist books, he burnt them and forced me to read the Islamic books, these which glorify the Salafist ideals, the Ottoman empire, and these which talk about the status of women in Islam. I don’t know what status they talk about while my father considers the woman a subordinate. Islam according to what I read considers me a being, not a human being who should be beaten. We, women, were made similar to the devil, the donkey and the black dog.”.
Nihal kept looking for a god for many months. She read about different religions and listened to many clerics until, coincidentally, she heard a Christian hymn. “I found my soul as soon as I heard it”, she said. Later, she started to delve into Christianity.
Nowadays, Nihal lives a double life. In front of her family, she is a model of a strict woman wearing a niqab and loose clothes while on her own, she prays to Christ and reads about Christianity.
“My father had the primary role in leading me to this stage. He made me feel that god hates me, not only as a human but as a woman. He depends on intimidating and terrorizing me. “Pray to avoid being tortured in your tomb after death. Fast not to get burnt in hell. Wear a hijab so God doesn’t hate you.” Every religious practice was built on fear of God, not spiritual contact with him.
As soon as Karima, another victim, became an adult, she was married to an elderly man of the same age as her father. She was his fourth wife. Her extremist family didn’t care about his advanced age or polygamy. As long as he followed his religion to the core, this was totally fine.
“I was 12 when my father married me to a sheikh with a white beard, wearing short clothes in the Islamic way. He took me to live with his three wives. Their ages ranged between the 30s and 40s. They had daughters the same age as me. The wedding day was the toughest experience. He broke my virginity with his finger and then he planted his penis inside my small vagina. He didn’t care about my age, all he wanted was to fulfill his sexual desires according to his religion”.
Despite having two children, Karima is still a minor. She doesn’t only look after her own kids but because she’s the youngest member in her husband’s family, she serves everyone in the house. If she refused to do it, a beating would be her punishment. Her husband justifies it saying that he follows the verse, “strike them”. When she goes to complain to her family, they tell her off saying that he practices Islam. “I don’t know where I can seek help, those around me have already abandoned me”.
While Nihal secretly keeps reading feminist books, Karima can’t run away leaving her children behind. She always asks, “Why does God allow all this evil?”.
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