Sabina

Sometimes, during the darkest moments of our life, we see a light in the gloomy tunnel we’re stumbling through. During this moment when we are about to give up, we find a source of serenity or we come across a knight in shining armor.
When I met with Sabina for the first time, I was down in the dumps and almost breaking down. I was in Safaga having a break after three months of taking care of my mother whose Alzheimer has recently deteriorated. I was literally crying for help. I felt I was going crazy. All I could think about was to have my mind and mental health checked. I’d been looking for a psychiatrist department in Luxor public hospitals but there was none. To add to that, I couldn’t afford paying for a private specialist.

I don’t know if there was a god or a superpower watching me at that moment. I could imagine that they saw how miserable I was and they decided to help me in some way. They arranged all the circumstances when Yvonne asked me if I could join them in Safaga in May. There, I happened upon meeting Sabina.

I still remember the way she looked at me when she came to say hi to me, as well as the kind smile on her face. The ice was broken as soon as we talked together. Gradually, we shared a lot of stories and personal details. She was caring but not clingy. Advisor but not controlling.

Despite coming from totally different countries, cultures and backgrounds, we could still find a common ground between us. We started building on this ground, getting closer and opening up day by day. Slowly but surely, we are knitting our friendship.

If reincarnation really existed, I would believe that Sabina and I could be a mother and a daughter in other bodies in another world. The inner peace I felt whenever I was communicating with her was enormous. I could pour out all my emotions, issues and faults without fearing judgment from her. Sitting together while she was teaching me how to knit, I could feel affection and calmness.
Talking about all the issues I face and getting feedback in a very soft and nice way was something I always aspired but never received from my family. I could find it talking with Sabina.

The relationship between my mother and me was never healthy and always contentious. We fought most of the time. Cursing and swearing at each other was normal for us. I had a friend in high school who said once that she shared with her mother every tiny detail of her life. She wouldn’t hide a secret from her. In my mind, I wished I could have had a similar relationship with my mother. To not fear sharing my life with her. To tell her my failures without her shaming me. To hold my hand and gently guide me instead of battering me. Nevertheless, I could finally experience that with Sabina.

Nowadays, I feel better. Maybe, I'm not totally healed. However, after getting to know Sabina, backed up with four-month travels on my own in different countries, I'm trying to deal with my troubles without freaking out. I'm learning how to be kind to myself and to accept the way I am without judging or grudging. I had come to terms that I have my own pace. I take time to learn and to absorb. It's okay. I don't have to bend over backward to do something beyond my pace and potential. It's okay to have a hard time sometimes. It's okay to stumble as long as I'm able to stand by myself.

Sabina is far away in a different country and a different continent but she is always in my mind. I hope we will not lose our unique relationship with the passing of time!