Wherever The Sun Goes

We still wear summer clothes where I live now, however; I don't turn on the fan when I go to sleep. There’s a cool wind in the early morning and late at night. I know winter is coming soon. I hate winter and I despise cold weather. I don't look forward to it! I hope it will somehow be kind to us! I wish I could close and open my eyes to find myself somewhere with no winter!


One of the things I like about my hometown is that we have the sun year-round. It rarely rains. I know that rain is good for the environment and agriculture but I still don’t like it. The humidity that follows rain is another downside. I don’t like the grey sky either. I seek the sun and I flourish where it shines. It’s why I prefer summer.


The summer that we have in the south is scorching and torturing. Nevertheless, I don’t mind it. I can handle hot weather better than the cold. The idea of wearing more than one layer of clothes and still shivering is unbearable. We don’t have heating systems like what people have in the West. And we can’t afford to use electric heaters. In the winter, everything is cold. To wash my hands, I have to keep the water running until it gets hot. What a waste! The water bottles outside the fridge are as cold as the ones inside. I quit drinking pure water in the winter. I survive by having hot drinks like: cinnamon, ginger, lemon, tamarind, hibiscus, mint, as well as tea and coffee.


In Sri Lanka, I liked that there was no winter. On the other hand, I didn’t enjoy those rainy days when the sun disappeared and it felt quite cool. When I was on a farm in Pannala, I always watched rain and gloomy sky from the window. I rarely stepped out. The cook who didn’t speak English asked whether or not there was rain in Egypt. I could understand her signs and the word “ijiptua”, which means Egypt in Sinhala. “Not in my town at least”, I answered her.


Maybe I don’t like rain because I fear water. Yes, I must admit that I fear water. I don’t know why. I had more than one attempt to learn swimming from experienced people but I was so scared. Could it be because I have to take off my hearing aids before getting into the water? Maybe!


I found out that I unintentionally close my eyes in the water so in this case, I neither hear nor see. And I believe I fear that. I fear being in the water whilst not being able to communicate or predict what might happen. I feel so light in the water that I can’t control my movement and balance. Waves are stronger than I and that scares me out of my wits. I fear being out of control of my surroundings.


Is it an attachment problem or obsession? The therapist said that I have depression and obsession.


I was talking about winter, how did I end up mentioning my depression? The post looks rambling this way. Okay, let me end it here before I move into another irrelevant story.