Bereavement In Our Family

 I woke up at 4:00 in the morning. I kept tossing and turning with no success in getting back to sleep. At 6:00, I got up from the bed, watered the plants, took the puppy for a walk. By nine, I got a call from my sister. She told me that my aunt, Nagat, had passed away. I haven't seen her for over four years. The last time was during the wedding party of her eldest daughter in Aswan. This is the second aunt in my maternal family who has passed on in the last decade.

This aunt is two years older than my mother. My other late aunt was two years younger!

I can't kick the idea out of my mind that my mother might be next!

However, my maternal grandmother is still alive! She has five daughters and three sons. She moved from her small village in Luxor to Aswan after getting married at 12.

She lost her husband more than 35 years ago. She also said goodbye to two of her daughters. One daughter, my mother, contracted Alzheimer's. One son was in jail for more than five years and is now facing stigma and unemployment.

I don't know how my grandmother is feeling and dealing with all these losses.

A cousin once described her as a woman with a heart of stone. Knowing all my grandmother has been through (including marrying young and taking care of 8 children after her husband's passing), I wouldn't blame her for being cold-hearted. Maybe this is her way of not collapsing and getting over all the tragedies she has had in her life.

I called my cousin to send her my condolences. All I could tell her was: "Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Rajioon", “Surely to Allah we belong and to Him we will all return.” Muslims recite this phrase when they hear news of death.

My sister asked me whether I would travel to Aswan with her to attend the funeral. I told her I was working and I couldn't leave Safaga these days. I think even if I were free, I wouldn't go. The only funeral I attended in my whole life was my father's. That funeral was a difficult event for me. I feel too vulnerable to ward off the consequences of attending one more funeral nowadays.

I will probably visit my cousin later when it is quiet and not many relatives are there.