A Matter of Life and Death

I was waiting for my turn to use the ATM when I got a call from Mama Rahma. I answered it but I found out that the caller was her sister. After greeting her, she wondered why I hadn't contacted them for almost four months. I told her jokingly I was hibernating.

I asked how Mama Rahma was. She replied, “May she rest in peace”. For a moment, I thought that maybe Mama Rahma was sick or they had a clash with each another and she didn’t want to talk about her. I then asked what she meant. "Mama Rahma died four months ago", she answered.  

I was in a state of denial. “It’s Allah’s destiny” she continued. "Was it last November?" I asked. She confirmed, "Yes, on the 25th of November." As soon as I realized that the date when Mama Rahma had died was three days after my flight to Sri Lanka, I just cried. What came to my mind was that I shouldn't have traveled to Sri Lanka. I know this wouldn't have stopped her death. However, knowing what I know now and coming back from Sri Lanka with that big disappointment, I wish I hadn't traveled. I don’t know why part of me felt guilty for being away when she had passed on.

My tears were rolling down my face all the way home. Half way, I felt tired and thirsty so I went to have a glass of sugar cane juice. The seller could see how sad I was. The way he looked at me was so kind and compassionate. His eyes could say what his mouth didn’t. I could imagine my ex at that moment. He wouldn’t show any reaction. I believe he would find it difficult to understand why I was that sad about the death of someone who wasn’t that close to me! He wouldn’t be able to connect with me or to console me. 

Mama Rahma was my favorite tailor and the only one I’d been dealing with for the last four years or so. I used to go to her to have my clothes fitted. She also designed some nice dresses for me. She was clever and talented.

Last year, I bought two colorful pieces of cloth from Rwanda. My plan was to have her design them before traveling to Sri Lanka. However, due to the lack of time, I postponed it. I thought I would be able to do that right after coming back from Sri Lanka. I came back home but Mama Rahma is not here anymore.

I went to send my condolences to Mama Rahma’s sister at their store. I kept looking at that chair where Mama Rahma used to sit in front of her sewing machine. I couldn’t believe she wouldn’t be sitting there anymore. How come some people who were with us in this world, suddenly are not here?

We shared smiles and tears and now all that we have are memories of them! Mama Rahma's sister asked me not to cry as it's believed that crying could hurt the deceased person. “Just pray for her. May Allah be merciful to her”. I haven't read Al-Fatiha in many years but that day, I did for Mama Rahma.