Connecting With Others

 In one of my blogs, I mentioned that I’m a person who wears my heart on my sleeves. Someone commented on that and said, “Isn’t this true of most people? Are you unique in this way?” I don’t know what he was aiming to. I’m not sure about other people. Maybe some of them are the same as me while others can play it cool. However, the blog was about me, not others. I am unique the way I am. Although my emotions are shown clearly on my face, I am not good at expressing myself verbally.

Currently, I’m in a transition phase where I’m trying to learn how best to explain myself to others. Writing about it is a way to understand myself and to help others understand me accordingly. I’m on a journey to learn to speak up and to talk about myself, my hearing impairment, and the struggles I came out of.

This situation reminded me of what a friend said when I told her how difficult it was for me to remain positive with all the challenges and difficulties I had been through. She said, “Do you think you are the only one with bad experiences and challenges? Everyone has them.” I know she was trying to support me and to alleviate my sadness but she did it the wrong way. The comparison with others’ experiences didn’t make me feel better. On the contrary, it made me feel worse because it underestimated my struggles. It made me feel that I was the problem because I wasn’t able to deal with my problems. Yes, everyone has their own issues but this is my own issue and I’m struggling with it.

Some people end messing up in their attempt to help their loved ones. It’s quite hard to be empathetic. Recognizing the emotions of others and communicating them is a skill that not many people have. But they can learn and develop it when they care enough and pay attention to what they say and do.

My ex fell into this trap and made the same mistake. When he told me that I looked grumpy and unhappy all the time, he belittled my struggle by comparing it to the Palestinian catastrophe. I know there are no words that could describe how awful and inhumane the genocide committed in Gaza is. However, selling me and my difficulties short was an unworkable strategy. Instead of encouraging me to talk about the reasons behind my unhappiness or to give me time to recover on my own, he kept attacking me and expected me to become happy in a couple of days.

I think people fail in these situations because they don’t know how to connect. Connecting with others requires connecting with an experience and a feeling you had yourself that helps you know how others feel. This is not an easy decision to make. Most people especially don’t want to sit in the uncomfortableness that these feelings bring to the surface. It’s easier to judge instead of looking for common ground where we can get closer to others and connect with them.