Loss of Freedom

The day I returned from Sri Lanka, I took a bus directly to my hometown. My brother came to fetch me with a bike he borrowed from a friend. I sat behind him and lifted the heavy suitcase between us.

As soon as he looked at me, he said, “Oh, no! You’re in Egypt”. I didn’t understand what he meant by that. After a few moments, I realized that I was sitting in a similar way to him, with my legs apart. In Egypt, women sit on the bikes behind men on their side. Their legs have to be together. At that moment, I burst into laughter. I told my brother that I used to sit in that way on bikes in Sri Lanka. He replied, “Wake up! You’re in Egypt now”.

Later, thinking deeply about that situation, I felt sad. It cruelly illustrated that I lost the freedom I enjoyed in Sri Lanka. Even an act as simple as that is out of the question here. My mind was still in Sri Lanka and my body reacted accordingly.

Even a few months after my return, I still find it difficult to go out and interact with others because my mind is still hanging between here and there. Part of me refuses to face the facts. My journey to Sri Lanka, and most probably to any other country in the future, is over. There is no way to go back and enjoy the same freedom now.

The dreams of learning how to swim, how to ride a bike, how to drive a scooter have evaporated. When could they be achieved? I have no idea. What I know is that I have to deal with my situation now. I have to clear my mind to work on the issues I’m facing here now.